There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. ~ Groaners
Headlines
Dancing With the Aides
by Chenoan Cirocco
Recently the dynamic Aide duo of Sylope and Kiril was seen in the Elysian Underground's bar. No one is quite sure why they're there, and so far all they've done is fight between themselves. One source reportedly heard Sylope make a suspicious remark, so all Elysians in the area are advised to take this warning; Watch your necks. We here at the Elysian Chronicles will post more as it develops.
Testing Wit, Might and Skill
by Chenoan Cirocco
Not very long ago Zephyr Cairbre posted a want ad in the Market place section of the Elysian Underground. Shortly after he recieved 3 seperate applicants, all ready to fight or the job. Kaethe Raesean, Eilidh Dickson and Dialto all showed up at close to the same time to apply. Zephyr has proceeded to test them accordingly. His decision will effect the protection of Elysia as they will be the only armor provider here. Will he make the right choice?
Mahesa Revived
by Chenoan Cirocco
As many Elysians know, Mahesa Nagra was stabbed and nearly died not too long ago. Her friends rushed her to the healer named Suka Matali, but the Anyeli sent them on a quest for a special payment. While the questers fought for their lives, Mahesa did as well. In the end Suka had to heal her completely before he recieved his payment. Soon after Daoine Sideheanta was going through the hospital when her empathic Gold Dragon powers kicked in and she caught hold of Suka's anger and and Mahesa's fear. Running to the police station, Daoine found Zephyr Cairbre and Nymphadora Makani there. The two officers seem to be having some sort of internal argument. Will they overcome it and face the issues in the hospital?
Weekly Feature
Flight of Xanth
by Piper Kin
Xanth threw herself onto the opulent cushions adorning her massive bed, scrubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. She was twelve hundred years old and, like any teenager, she had a mind of her own for at least half that time, yet her father had still summoned her like an infant to inform her of his plans for her marriage.
She had knelt at the foot of the dais beneath his throne, her head dipped with a respect she did not feel for the lord and master of Tanakheim as he detailed the ceremony, not even thinking to mention exactly who she was supposed to marry until his sixteenth wife - Xanth's mother - had pointed it out. All the while, Xanth's fury was boiling.
Finally, in an overly dramatic display of fireworks (literally) she had exploded, telling Abdiriz exactly what she thought of his plans. It was not the first time they had come to blows. It was, unfortunately, the last time.
She had not only chastised him - he, a man of forty thousand years and counting, who had ruled Tanakheim with an iron fist for three quarters of that and kept over fifty wives happy! In ten seconds flat she had also insulted the entire Abdiriz bloodline.
She was doomed.
"It was a stupid thing to do, my love."
Xanth shot upright on the bed to glare at her brother. It was unclear if Yaziz was the youngest of Abdiriz's sons as he was born around the same time as three of their sisters (all to different mothers) and no one in Tanakheim paid attention to such mundane things as exact birth dates. He liked to think he was the youngest, though, and certainly played up to the title. He was mischief incarnate and though Xanth loved him for bringing fun to the palace where there was none, this was not the time for his jests.
"Ugh, go away, Yaziz."
"Poor baby," he smirked, throwing himself onto the bed beside her. "If everyone reacted this way when Father married them off, there would be no girls left in our family."
"I refuse to marry anyone just so he can claim more territory. He owns three dimensions already, is that not enough?"
"Obviously not," he joked, grinning at her through his fingers. "Look, two hours ago I would have told you to grit your teeth and be a good girl, but it is far too late for that."
Xanth rested her chin on her knees, trying not to ask the inevitable, but doing so anyway. "What will my punishment be?"
"Mother was begging him not to do it. I have no idea what 'it' is."
She was definitely doomed. Yaziz's mother was jealous of Xanth's and the two women had been fighting for Abdiriz's attention for centuries. If she had asked her husband for mercy on Xanth's behalf then the situation was worse than she had thought.
Several curses came to mind. "What do you think I should do?"
Yaziz rolled over, a ball of flame sparking to life in his palm. Xanth watched, almost hypnotised, as he tossed it in the air and caught it. "I do not know that you can do anything, my love. I doubt you can even go to him and agree to the marriage now. It was a rather idiotic thing to do, yes?"
Xanth scowled and knocked his hand aside so that his fireball landed on his stomach. He yelped and shot off the bed, brushing his clothing off even though the fire had not harmed him. "If I were you," he said with gritted teeth, "I would leave Tanakheim and wait for him to calm down before returning to apologise. Of course, we both could be grey-haired by then, but it would surely be better than having your powers stripped or... worse."
Xanth's heart fell out of her stomach. She knew Abdiriz would eagerly strip her powers - he had done it to several of her siblings for minor offences when they were infants. From what Yaziz said, this was going to be much worse than that. Tears in her eyes, she hopped off the bed and hugged her brother. "I will sorely miss you, Yaziz."
He hugged her back, squeezing tight, and nodded. "I will miss you too, my love." As he stepped back and Xanth started to fade away, he added, "Let me know where you land, hmm? I may visit some day."
Employment Agency
Quest Writer
Elysians are in need of quests, whether it be for excitement and adventure, or the rewards they bring. As a quest writer, you will be working in a team under the Quest Manager. Your job will be to post on the noticeboard with quests ranging from small "wanted" advertisements to full adventures. It will be your job to organise what the quest will need - roleplay areas, non-player appearances, rewards and so on - and clear those things with the Aides beforehand, then recruit potential questers.
Note: This is a big job and will require a lot of time. We would prefer to hire more than one but please do not apply if you cannot guarantee the time.
Responsibilities
+ Plan quests
+ Gather the resources necessary to carry out those quests
+ Recruit questers
+ Arrange rewards, whether they be graphic, monetary or items, with the Aides
+ Roleplay non-player appearances
+ Work in conjunction with moderators and other staff members - you may need their help
+ Run one quest per week
This is an out of character job so we will be hiring based on the following factors:
+ Good English
+ Good roleplaying
+ Awareness of Elysian law and rules
+ Ability to work in a team or alone
+ Good imagination
Salary
Between $20 and $150 per quest to be paid to whichever character you decide (you will not be able to swap and change throughout your career, however) depending on the size of the quest.
How to Apply
In your application please include the following:
+ Your real name or alias (not your character's name)
+ Apply from the character account you wish the salary to be paid to should you get the job
+ Include ideas for quests (minimum of five ideas - at least one paragraph description for each)
Please PM questions and applications to Eivyonydd.
