A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"
"Hang on a sec," replied the doctor, "you'll just have to be a little patient" ~ Groaners
Headlines
Not More Changes!
by Piper Kin
If you trot around Elysia today you'll notice a few things have changed. I managed to catch the site's administrator - the girl Xanth forces to do all her work for her - to ask her some questions about these changes.
"Xanth's good at the magic stuff, but when it comes to enforcing her rules, she's, well. She's lazy, isn't she?" At this point I was surprised she hadn't been zapped, or worse, but though she looked a bit nervous she obviously has some means of stopping Xanth from hurting her, because after an hour's interview in which she repeatedly insulted the goddess, she was still alive.
I asked what the changes had to do with enforcing rules and she admitted that Xanth's been having trouble keeping the weaker Elysians safe. "They like to test boundaries, you know. The imps are fed up of chasing idiots out of their forest, so Xanth told me to find a better way. It took a bit of doing, but genius doesn't grow on trees."
It took some doing but I finally got the answers I wanted (between arrogant descriptions of the architect's brilliant ideas) and from what I can tell, portal law now has a system - magic or machine, I'm not quite sure - that prevents people who aren't strong enough from entering level-restricted areas such as the safari. "It's impossible now for them to go there, means Xanth has less work to do, eh?"
She did go on to say that the Fae Forest has been opened temporarily for the up-coming holidays but since there are safety measures in effect there, we don't have to worry about coming under attack from the imps. "Just stay in the designated safety areas, make sure you've got an escort who can save your butt if you get in trouble, and you should be fine."
Party in the Forest
by Chenoan Cirocco
As the fall season comes into full bloom, the popular holiday Halloween has also rolled around. To celebrate this Elysia is having a Halloween bash in the Fae Forest. Hosted by Aithe Keahi and Sanura Chandler, the event seems very popular as many people have shown up in a variety of costumes. One particular business, The Holiday Shop, has benefitted from the season quite a bit. Will you attend?
The Fallen Anyeli
by Chenoan Cirocco
As many of you know, Suka Matali has recently been on a rampage of unwarranted attacks. Alas, Xanth has finally gotten fed up with it. In another display of trickery she has coaxed the Anyeli into giving up his freedom to be her living slave. "Another" you ask? Yes, previously Xanth tricked me into becoming her Aide by threatening my girlfriend, Nymphadora Makani. Can we really trust this self proclaimed deity?
Weekly Feature
Immortality, Do or Don't?
by Kaida Tanili
Many people have thought about this question. It's a question I have run over in my own mind several times. But as a reporter, I thought it would be more interesting you to read what you would choose. So I went around and asked quite a few people this question.
This was the question, and these where the answers: If you were given the opportunity to become immortal, what would you do?
I guess I'm already immortal. =/ And it wasn't a choice I made for myself... I don't know, in a way I like knowing I'll never die - unless someone kills me. Which, actually that's kind of scary. But knowing I can't die from illness, or old age - that I'll stay exactly the same way my whole life - that's kind of comforting.
I don't think about what it would be like to not be immortal, though. Maybe I will in a few years, because... Well my best friend is human, and I... Don't know what will happen with that.
I can't stand to think that we won't grow old together, we always said we would.
I guess yeah, I will regret being a vampire, and I don't know if I'd have made the choice for myself.
~ Piper
Well... I'd have to say I would choose to stay mortal. Because, well, I suppose the bad thing about death is that you lose everything, so immortality seems better. But, in truth, with immortality, you also loose everything. Because eventualy everything you love will die and disappear, leaving you with nothing, in a world full of strangers.
Personally, I couldn't deal with that, I couldn't deal with losing everything, the only way out would be suicide, and frankly I would never be up to that.
Of course, if I had the option to make all my friends, family, even enemies immortal too, I would take it, but just me myself, no, never.
~ Niles
Well my thought is that after death everyone goes to one place, its horrible there is no heaven or -other place- its just one thing but if you travel across the abyss with the creatures permission you may enter into the world of sunlight again and your body will become molecules inside the wind and sea, and I would never become immortal because if I did I would be able to watch my loved ones but if they died I would never be allowed to be with them again. So I would pick to be part of the earth when I die and when they use my molecules to make someone new they would have to make it out of my parents and me, we would be stuck together so tight.
~ Jade
Hell no, I wouldn't choose to be immortal. When you've lived as long as I have, you realise life's about death. Period. Whether it's personal grudges or all-out war that kills thousands, life ends and that's the way it should be.
You live as long as I have, you lose everyone you care about. It's lonely. Immortality is for idiots who don't understand the decision they're making.
~ Dazadi
Immortal? I don't think I'd want to be. It would be so sad if I lived forever, while all my friends were dying around me. I don't think I'd be able to handle it. Plus, I mess up enough of these dresses in one day, I don't know how I could have enough for an eternity! I don't think I'd think about the possibility of being immortal very much. Maybe once in a while, but it really wouldn't have much of an effect on my every day life.
No, no, immortality's not for me. I could see how some people would like it, but I really don't need it. I'm not very into violence anyways, so my life isn't put into danger that much.
~ Criera
I am immortal. I have lived long enough to see civilizations come and go. Life is interesting when you are around long enough to see past your own centre, to see the, ah, the 'bigger picture'. I will not say immortality grants you happiness - that is for you to find alone, and does not require a deathless life.
Immortality can grant you time to learn, to grow, in ways that mortality does not. It is not a decision to be taken lightly, and if you were to have that choice... I would suggest you look extremely closely at the person offering you that choice.
I have often wondered how it would be to live a mortal life, yes.
To be born, to be raised by loving parents, to find love and have a family of your own, and then die with that family around you...
Or even the less satisfying existence of one who never finds that kind of happiness - all the same, their lives mean more because they are limited.
Yet, as limited as a mortal's life is, they affect the world in ways an immortal cannot. So yes, I wonder, but I would never give up my own immortality. I have far too much to do.
~ Xanth
If I were given the opportunity to become immortal, normally, I would pass it up. I've seen my family die. I've surpassed them. It's heart wrenching, and it would be hard to do over and over again.
But now, being with Chenoan, I don't think I could stay with him when I'm so old... and he's so young. It's a subject that... I've not discussed with him. But it's always on my mind. And because of him... and only him, would I ever wish to be immortal.
~ Nymphadora
Immortal, huh? Well that's interesting... On the one hand, it would make me indestructable. I could do whatever I want, and never have to face death. On the other hand, that would take the thrill out of fights. If I know I'm not going to die, what's the fun of it? The adrenaline rush would be gone. So, yeah, I'd have to turn down the immortal life. I think my decision would haunt me, yes. Especially if I'm ever close to death or anything, I'd wish I had chosen immortality. I'd also wonder about the power I could get with it. But overall, it would generally be horrible.
~ Dialto
If I had the chance to become immortal that would be great! I would love to become immortal; it would give me all the time in the world to get all the stuff done that I wanted to get done, and more! I could learn, like, all the professions that exist in the world; and I'd have the time to practice really hard and become really good at whatever I wanted to do! I'd have the chance to live life to the full, and meet tons of new people; I'd get to make millions of friends in my lifetime! And I'd never die... because death is scary, I don't ever want to have to worry about it.
~ Lily
If you were asked this question, what would you choose? Anyone who answered the same as you? Were their answers right in your opinion? It's something to think about. Especially living in Elysia, where opportunities are endless.
Employment Agency
Quest Writer
Elysians are in need of quests, whether it be for excitement and adventure, or the rewards they bring. As a quest writer, you will be working in a team under the Quest Manager. Your job will be to post on the noticeboard with quests ranging from small "wanted" advertisements to full adventures. It will be your job to organise what the quest will need - roleplay areas, non-player appearances, rewards and so on - and clear those things with the Aides beforehand, then recruit potential questers.
Note: This is a big job and will require a lot of time. We would prefer to hire more than one but please do not apply if you cannot guarantee the time.
Responsibilities
+ Plan quests
+ Gather the resources necessary to carry out those quests
+ Recruit questers
+ Arrange rewards, whether they be graphic, monetary or items, with the Aides
+ Roleplay non-player appearances
+ Work in conjunction with moderators and other staff members - you may need their help
+ Run one quest per week
This is an out of character job so we will be hiring based on the following factors:
+ Good English
+ Good roleplaying
+ Awareness of Elysian law and rules
+ Ability to work in a team or alone
+ Good imagination
Salary
Between $20 and $150 per quest to be paid to whichever character you decide (you will not be able to swap and change throughout your career, however) depending on the size of the quest.
How to Apply
In your application please include the following:
+ Your real name or alias (not your character's name)
+ Apply from the character account you wish the salary to be paid to should you get the job
+ Include ideas for quests (minimum of five ideas - at least one paragraph description for each)
Please PM questions and applications to Eivyonydd, thank you.
Classifieds
